One day, after months of silence, my friend Claire sent me a text message of only 3 words:

Shut up JP

Knowing my love of postcards, she started sending me this invaluable advice by mail too – from every country she visited, and in every language the friendly (and presumably deeply confused) locals help her write in.

It's just shy of a decade later and, apparently, I've still not got the message.

JP

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A print of a grinning cowboy riding a wild bucking buffalo On the back: (Ope, just gonna sneak past you… to say)

Shut up, JP. — Oklahoma, USA July 18, 2024

(Ope, just gonna sneak past you… to say) Shut up, JP.

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A smiling, orange illustrated person falling over, with their butt in the air, papers flying overhead, possibly flipping the bird at us. Korean text below seems to read "I don't want to work, dance". On the back: 입다물어, JP — South Korea April 23, 2024

입다물어, JP

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: From "To Love Ru" manga: In a flowering meadow, under a blue sky, a gently smiling large chested anime woman (with pink hair and a gold necklace, crown, and heart-shaped staff) stands back to back with a cross-armed charcter in a blue cape facing away from us. On the back: 黙って、JP！ — Japan April 15, 2024

黙って、JP！

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: An (impossible to scan) holographic print of a colourful illustration of a pre-industrial city (presumably in Vietnam). On the back: Im Lặng, JP. — Hoi An, Vietnam April 2, 2024

Im Lặng, JP.

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A photo of large rock shaped like a penis, overlooking the sea. On the back: เงียบ, JP. — "Grandfather" rock, Ko Samui, Thailand March 10, 2024

เงียบ, JP.

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: Four views of the town of Port Chalmers, including the pub sign of "The Portsider", and a grand vista of the bay with a cruise liner in dock. On the back: Tō waha, JP. — Port Chalmers, New Zealand January 28, 2024

Tō waha, JP.

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A photo of the naked waist of Michelangelo's sculpture of David, with "wow!!!" superimposed in a semicircle around his penis. On the back: Stai zito, JP — Galleria dell'Accademia, Florence, Italy October 18, 2023

Stai zito, JP

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A photo of large rock shaped like a penis, overlooking the sea. On the back: หยุดพูดเหอะ JP — "Grandfather" rock, Ko Samui, Thailand October 2, 2023

หยุดพูดเหอะ JP

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A photograph of a large red bricked cathedral with a tall bell tower and a smaller bell tower to the right. The cathedral is surrounded by trees and mountains. On the back: მოკეტე JP! — Alaverdi Cathedral, Georgia July 23, 2023

მოკეტე JP!

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: The undulating dunes of a desert, with a single green bush in the middle, and a small corner of blue sky. On the back: JP, إخرس — Les Dunes de Sable, Merzouga, Morocco June 19, 2023

JP, إخرس

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A black and white close-up photo of a presumed woman's feet in high-heels and tights with the arch of the heel perfectly framing a distant man in a suit. All next to the Eiffel Tower. On the back: Halt die Klappe, JP — Leica Gallery, Wetzlar, Germany May 24, 2023

Halt die Klappe, JP

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A collage of photos of showing the beautiful, sunny limestone buildings of Split, with the city's name overlayed. On the back: Začepi, JP. — Split, Croatia April 6, 2023

Začepi, JP.

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A collection of overlayed photos representing New York City, including the Statue of Liberty in the middle, the Chrysler & Empire State Buildings, and the Brooklyn Bridge on the left, and a street of yellow taxis and the US flag on the right. On the back: Eyyyy ohhh
eyyy guy…

Shaddap-a yo face, JP! — New York City, USA March 24, 2023

Eyyyy ohhh eyyy guy… Shaddap-a yo face, JP!

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A photograph of a bronze statue of Rocky Balboa, a fictional boxer from the Rocky film series, wearing boxing gloves and shorts, with his arms raised in victory. On the back: Shut up, JP. — Philadelphia Museum of Art, Philadelphia, USA March 22, 2023

Shut up, JP.

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: An illustration of two fiendishly grinning presumed Icelandic Vikings turning on an anachronistic water main connected to a distant geyser spraying water over people running away from it. Text reads "Iceland turns you on!" and "Hot and cold running water everywhere!" On the back: Haltu Kjafti, JP — Reykjavík, Iceland January 13, 2023

Haltu Kjafti, JP

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: An illustration of the words "BIG PIT" shaped to look like a mountain with a coal mine atop it. On the back: Cau i fyny, JP — Big Pit National Coal Museum, Wales, UK November 5, 2022

Cau i fyny, JP

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A photograph of a collection of detailed and colourful totem poles of different heights in Stanley Park. They are in front of verdant tall trees, and a rich blue sky. On the back: Shut up, JP

(eh) — Stanley Park, Vancouver, Canada September 9, 2022

Shut up, JP (eh)

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: 6 square tiling patterns in blue, green, red and yellow on a postcard made entirely of cord. The word "Portugal" sits between four of the tiles. On the back: Cala a boca, JP! — Carvoeiro, Portugal September 9, 2022

Cala a boca, JP!

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A reproduction of a painting representing the Boston Tea Party — sailors throwing boxes of tea into the sea from their ships. Overlayed with text saying "The Boston Tea Party" and "1773". On the back: <Boston accent>
Shut up JP
</Boston accent> — Boston, Massachusetts, USA September 2, 2022

<Boston accent> Shut up JP </Boston accent>

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A replica of a '60s era postcard, on embossed paper. Shows a simple illustration of the Space Needle, described as being from Seattle's World Fair in 1962. On the back: Shut up, JP. — The Space Needle, Seattle, USA July 7, 2022

Shut up, JP.

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A view of Athens' Old Town at dusk, towards the Acropolis. The town's lights glow a golden yellow, as do the lights illuminating the Acropolis itself. On the back: Σκάσε, JP! — Athens, Greece May 15, 2022

Σκάσε, JP!

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A photo of Tikal Templo V in Guatemala, partially covered by nearby rainforest folliage. On the back: ¡JP, cállate! — Tikal Templo V, Guatemala April 11, 2022

¡JP, cállate!

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A photograph across the rooves of Madrid, with two cats sitting on the rooftop edge. On the back: ¡JP, cállate! — Madrid, Spain January 24, 2022

¡JP, cállate!

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: On the back: Dùin do glub, JP

lol it looks a bit like a willy doesn't it — Loch Ness, Scotland, UK August 21, 2021

Dùin do glub, JP lol it looks a bit like a willy doesn't it

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A photo of the rock-top palace that is Sigiriya Rock. On the back: வாயை மூடு JP.

(Had to send from UK — needed to leave in a hurry!) — Sigiriya Rock, Sri Lanka March 28, 2020

வாயை மூடு JP. (Had to send from UK — needed to leave in a hurry!)

Spitfire Cafe, Ottawa, Canada January 26, 2020

Hey JP - why don't you stuff it, eh?

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A street market in China. Two women sit selling ingredients in the foreground. Red umbrellas cover a stall with a giant cooking wok and selling oranges just beyond. An old, green, two story corner building stands just beyond. On the back: 住口JP — Kunming, China October 26, 2019

住口JP

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A Jetoy branded illustration. A red through red pastel coloured backdrop with simple mountains or clouds. In the foreground a white furred and blue eyed kitten, with a (human-style) head of black hair, is wearing a kimono with white flowers on a blue background. On the back: 입 닥쳐 JP — Seoul, Korea December 21, 2017

입 닥쳐 JP

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A photograph of a "local breakfast", including a plate of toast sandwiches with a yellow (egg or cheese) filling, two hardboiled eggs, a cup of coffee. On the back: Shut up, JP
JP வாயை மூடு
Jangan bisinglah, JP
闭嘴JP

Ugh Singapore, why you gotta have 4 official languages?! — Singapore December 13, 2017

Shut up, JP JP வாயை மூடு Jangan bisinglah, JP 闭嘴JP Ugh Singapore, why you gotta have 4 official languages?!

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: An illustration of a naked, but booted, man and woman riding a tandem bike on a background of hearts. On the back: SHUT UP, JP. — Portland, Oregon, USA July 11, 2017

SHUT UP, JP.

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A photograph of Singapore's concrete 'supertrees' and walkway in the Gardens at the Bay. On the back: 住口,JP — Gardens by the Bay, Singapore June 5, 2017

住口,JP

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A sunset view of Kuala Lumpur's skyline. On the back: Diam, JP. — The Petronas Towers, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia May 29, 2017

Diam, JP.

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A photograph of Angkor Wat across a lake, at sunset. On the back: បិទមាត់! Shut up JP — Angkor Wat, Cambodia May 5, 2017

បិទមាត់! Shut up JP

On the front of a postcard: A scene made from rolled shapes of paper — Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam March 24, 2017

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: An aerial photograph of snow-covered Stockholm's harbours. On the back: HALL KÄFTEN, JP. — Stockholm, Sweden June 15, 2016

HALL KÄFTEN, JP.

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: On the back: Tais-toi, JP. — Montpellier, France April 4, 2016

Tais-toi, JP.

Both sides of a postcard. On the front: A sales postcard from the restaurant chain Gourmet Burger Kitchen, describing their "Oh my Gosht!" Indian themed lamb burgers. On the back: Shut up, JP. — Gourmet Burger Kitchen, London, UK December 1, 2015

Shut up, JP.

Shut up Claire.